I Write This for Me for Moments of “Oh Shit, Why Did I Do That?”

October 10, 2019
Farina Situmorang

When everything seems to be going well, it only takes one moment, one thought, one trip to the rabbit hole that makes you doubt and say “ugh, why did I do that?”. Or “I’m so upset that I did that”. Or “See I knew, I messed it up earlier”. Or “What would they think of me now?”.

It takes one thought to start doubt. Blame. Guilt. Playing victim. Your ego got hurt. You probably add more fuel to the fire.. by being upset about being upset. By being angry that you got angry. By blaming yourself as you blame others. By feeling guilty for feeling guilty.

You start to go down that hole.

It’s tough to get out of this!

Don’t. Follow. That.

Unless you really want to be in that downward spiral.

You don’t. Because that hole is dark, damp, endless. You see no light at the end.

So…

Realize, first and foremost, you did it on your own.

Don’t blame anyone, anything, or any situation. You did that. You chose that. But it’s okay. You’re not perfect. We’re all still learning anyway. We have our fears. We have insecurities. We are not here to be perfect. We will never be. But realize that we did that. Realize that we want to be perfect, but we’re not. Realize that we got upset because we did not get what we expected to get. Realize, that’s on us.

Secondly, accept.

Accept where you are right now. It’s okay. You are okay. You are always okay. If you don’t feel okay, it’s okay, too. Accept that.

Lastly, feel.

Feel as is. Feel how much you’re loved. Feel how much you are given. Feel grateful. You don’t have to do anything, just feel.

You are here now. You are loved. You are that Love.

All you need is LOVE!

And you know what? Let the Love help you.

You are not alone. You are not dealing with this on your own. The Love has been waiting for you to allow you to be Loved. To be joyful. To be still. To be in peace. Choose this instead.

Choose to be helped by this Love. This is all there is. Love. Love. Love.

This is your purpose.

And this is why you are here now.

Author’s note: I write this really just for myself. I do feel the need to be reminded of this at times. In moments when my mind goes a bit bonkers. Oh, and btw, I am not an expert at this, after all, who is really an expert in life?. I realized that the more I know, the more I actually don’t really know anything. So, take anything with a grain of salt. Please use your own heart and mind to guide you to where you need to go and what you need to do. I hope you enjoyed it and if you want to share it with others, please do so, and leave comments below!

Farina Situmorang is the CEO of Catalyst Strategy, a strategic narrative consulting firm based in Jakarta, Indonesia. Farina enjoys writing, meditating, and drinking coffee. Follow her Instagram here for the latest post updates. Do you like this writing? Follow for more articles on Medium here.


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